i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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