Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize