i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
