i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
