So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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