how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
