We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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