Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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