It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
