are you still at the devil's house?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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