woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
