ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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