I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
