we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
