If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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