It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
