puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
