We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
