Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
