I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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