hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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