i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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