Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
