Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
