Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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