I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
