is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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