addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
