Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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