Please, let me fuck your mom
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
