bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The air was thick with penises
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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