Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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