VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
