You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
