I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
