how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
