Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
