I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
