So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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