i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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