last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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