Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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