Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
