he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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