My liver just broke up with me...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
