thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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