I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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