Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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