Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someone came in the potted fern
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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