would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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