Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
