I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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